The most important thing in communication is
hearing what isn’t said.
‣‣‣ Peter Drucker
So often parents, teachers or small group leaders do not receive the expected outcome or required response from the child because they are not communicating effectively. We often expect our children to listen intently in circumstances or situations that would be unreasonable even for adults.
- use name (repectful tone … wait for the right moment if possible)
- establish eye contact
- clear instruction
- say thank you in the firm expectation the child will follow through.
One feature of this format is to say, “Thank you” instead of, “Please”. It is a polite and respectful but your request is within the guidelines of expected behaviours and it is more assertive and expectant of a positive response.
- wait for the TV add … use [Name]
- gain eye contact
- Say, “In the next TV add please take your clean washing to your room.” or “Work during the other adds to tidy up before our visitors come.”
- (smile) say, Thank you!
Teenage SMS version:
• 1st SMS … [name] You there??
• Receive … [some response]
• (Pause, composing/phone tapping time)
• 2nd SMS Clear instruction
• 3rd SMS: ‘Thank you! oxo
The first two steps (using a name in a respectful tone and expecting eye contact) can be taught as a routine. Establish this and practice it, rewarding it from time to time.
Building on this, all 5 steps can be taught as a helpful routine. If all the steps have been observed and the instruction has not been followed then the Follow through (with warnings) Tool #17 or Follow through (without warnings) Tool #18 can be used depending on how you have negotiated it.